What Should I Do When My Kids Compare What They Have With Others?

DEAR SHERRY:

My kids are constantly comparing what they have with what others have. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Thank you!

AT MY WITS END

DEAR AT MY WITS END:

I can hear them now, “Mom, so and so has a pool, why can’t we have one”? “I want a dog; we are the only family that doesn’t have one!” “My friends get to stay out later; why can’t I?” “Everyone else has a phone; why can’t I get one?”

Although it could be annoying, I think it is natural to compare. Even as an adult, at times, I compare myself to others. We see what someone else has, and often we want it too. It may invoke a feeling of insecurity or jealousy as well.

I would engage your child in a conversation. Ask them questions and try to get a good idea about why it is important to them and what might be coming up for them. Ask why is it important to you to have that or do that?

Use it as an opportunity to discuss important topics like a desire to fit in, self-esteem, working hard for something you want, and the fact that all families have different circumstances.

Different things come up for a parent when their child compares what they have with others. Ask yourself what is coming up for you? Perhaps you grew up without a lot, so you might feel guilty that you can’t afford to get your child all the things they want. Or you might think your child is selfish and entitled because they have so much already. You might also feel pressured to work harder to get them the things others have.

If you understand what is coming up for you and work through your own feelings, it will help you to be open, compassionate, and patient with your child. You will then be able to do what feels suitable for both you and your children.

Remember, all of our circumstances are different. It isn’t important to “keep up with the Jones,” and the most important thing your child needs is your love and understanding.

Wishing you and your family everything in your highest good!

SHERRY